Given the pandemic situation, the first event of 2022 was held online, which allowed a large number of us to gather together on this Saturday afternoon. Erika Pap, founder and professional director of Murmo, ensured the smooth running of the Parents’ Club, while Eszter Forgács, a music, play, and EMDR therapist, was in charge of the thematic presentation and discussion on this occasion.

An anonymous survey conducted at the start of the event revealed that 44 percent of participants were present as parents, 30 percent as interested individuals, and 16 percent as people affected by trauma, and the vast majority expected to gain new perspectives on the topics of trauma and trauma processing from this event.

What happens to us when we experience trauma?

Because trauma lies outside the realm of our everyday experiences, the usual processes of memory and representation are disrupted; traditional memory representations do not form, and instead these memories are stored without cognitive processing. This results in our trauma memories being inaccessible or only partially accessible to our consciousness, making it difficult to put them into words or talk about them. During her presentation, Eszter Forgács used a brilliant analogy that helps us better understand what is happening in our brains at such times. If a traumatic memory cannot be stored or processed, it is as if our brain’s alarm system were constantly activated, always sounding loudly, and thus even the slightest—perhaps completely harmless—external stimuli cause us to essentially relive that past, painful experience.

It is very important to understand that while we may not be able to access the traumatic experience on a verbal level, our bodies still remember it even if the memory of the trauma is inaccessible to our conscious mind. This is precisely why various art therapies can be of great help to us; for example, music therapy, dance and movement therapy, and even psychodrama. As a quick fix, we can turn to relaxation, mindful breathing, and yoga, or even experiencing rhythm in any form or connecting with nature.

“Those who are able to explore the traumas of the past fundamentally change the quality of their relationships.” (Noémi Orvos-Tóth)

One of the most important fundamental truths about trauma—which Eszter Forgács also emphasized during her presentation—is that trauma is not objective; rather, what we subjectively experience as such becomes traumatic. It is therefore possible that the exact same life event becomes a trauma for one person, while another experiences it “only” as an emotionally difficult experience. If we view the very broad topic of trauma in this way, we are not trying to downplay it, but rather to normalize it, in the sense that it can happen to anyone.

A person who has experienced trauma may often react relatively poorly to their surroundings or to themselves, which can lead the individual to believe that they are a bad person and that they are to blame for their behavior. Although we all undoubtedly bear individual responsibility, it is still important to reinforce within ourselves that our reactions in such situations are normal reactions to an abnormal situation. The traumatized individual may ask themselves, “Why did this happen to me? Is it my fault? Did I do something wrong?” To experience something traumatic, we do not need to be any different from those who have not experienced something similar—anyone can encounter something in their life that they will carry with them as trauma.

“The path to change lies in self-understanding and acceptance.” (Eszter Forgács)

We all constantly veer off our so-called “calm lane,” and that’s completely normal. What matters is how quickly we can return to that state of calm. For people who have experienced trauma, it may be the case that they simply cannot return to their comfort zone but remain in a constant state of alert. The goal for everyone could be to strive to continually expand our comfort zone so that we can more easily cope with the extreme events that life throws at us.

Let’s take this away from the presentation: can we ask ourselves what a given situation is telling us when we reacted so badly—did someone just press our own traumatic “red button”? Awareness is the first step toward processing, and once we reach the point where we can stop our automatic, non-adaptive reactions, we have already taken a huge step toward change. Our brains are plastic; traumatic experiences seek spontaneous healing, and our bodies strive for balance and harmony, so it is never too late to heal our wounds.

The Parents’ Club was supported by the Pro Juventa Foundation and the NSZI. The latest events organized by Murmo and the Pro Juventa Foundation can always be found on the Pro Juventa website and Facebook page. The foundation’s and Murmo’s professionals are dedicated to helping the families who turn to them, working wholeheartedly within a comprehensive therapeutic framework.