One of the most important parental responsibilities is to protect our children and care for them, while also helping them to boldly test their limits with new, unfamiliar, and challenging tasks. It is up to us, as parents, to ensure that our children possess the inner security and self-confidence needed to successfully tackle the ever-changing challenges of life.

A newborn baby cannot yet distinguish themselves from the world, they perceive themselves as one with its mother. Later, this slowly and gradually changes, the little ones realize that mother and baby are two separate entities, and they experience all the good and bad aspects of this. As the baby’s motor skills develop through crawling and then walking it becomes possible to physically distance oneself from the mother, to explore the world, while knowing that the parent is there in the background and that one can always return to her for safety and emotional replenishment. This is not an easy time for mothers, and it is particularly difficult for those who felt comfortable in the great physical closeness and intimacy of the symbiotic phase of life. But we must let go of the little ones, let them explore the world and test their limits. To do this, they need freedom, encouragement, and praise.

It is a very difficult parental task to find the right balance between protecting the child and granting them freedom at every stage of life. When can I let go of their hand? When can they climb the jungle gym without me? When can they ride the balance bike on their own? A thousand questions, a thousand decisions. We clearly see that overly permissive parenting is irresponsible, harbors dangers, and can be considered neglect. What is less obvious is that overprotection can have a similarly harmful effect on children’s development.

A parent who constantly restricts their child even if done with good intentions or out of fear is undoubtedly harming them. If we don’t let them try the swing because they might fall, if they can’t run in the park because they might trip, if they can’t eat by themselves with their little fork because they might prick themselves not only will it be much harder for them to acquire the otherwise important and later expected skills, but their self-confidence, self-assurance and self-image may be damaged. If we shield them from things they are already capable of, we are telling them that we don’t trust them, that we don’t believe they can succeed, and we are suggesting that they cannot manage without us. It is clear where this leads.

It can have a similarly negative effect if we constantly signal to the child that what they’re doing isn’t right, that they should do it differently, better, or more precisely if we criticize them a lot, or if situations arise where we, as adults, end up doing what they want to do because they’re doing it wrong. This, of course, does not mean that we cannot offer criticism or provide negative feedback in cases where it is warranted. However, when we do so, we must always be aware that our reaction serves as a mirror in which we show our child a reflection of themselves, and we must take care to present a realistic picture. A child who frequently hears that they are incapable of something, clumsy, or will get hurt can easily identify with this and come to see themselves as helpless and inadequate. We should always strive first and foremost to provide feedback on the child’s strengths, positive traits, and behaviour. Reinforce what is good in them, and only then help them change what is not. “You did great, and you’re so persistent! I’m proud of you! Come on, one more time you’ll get it this time! Try it now while stretching out your hand!”

It’s better not to try to shield our children from failure and the negative feelings that come with it, since that’s impossible—and it’s not good for them either. Failures are part of life, they’re good training grounds for assessing our abilities, analysing our actions, and approaching similar tasks differently next time, armed with new knowledge. We need to teach our little ones this, and that after a failure, they shouldn’t give up but try again.

How can we care for children in a way that avoids being overprotective or critical, while still giving them freedom?

The first step is to shape the children’s environment so they can explore it boldly on their own. Let them become independent and learn to find joy in the activities they undertake! This has an extremely important impact on the future, it lays the foundation for children not to get bored or feel lost when they’re older if there’s no one around to entertain them, but rather for the activities themselves to be rewarding for them.

It is important for parents to always be available, to provide a secure foundation, while at the same time giving their child freedom and letting go of them emotionally. Let’s not just pretend to believe in our little ones that we think they are wonderful, brave, smart, and capable but let’s actually believe it. Let’s work on this within ourselves, if necessary. Life is interesting and exciting, let them dive into it with confidence, with the good feeling that we have taught them and continue to teach them everything they need to know, and that we are there for them if they need us.