Touch
We always enjoy being touched by the people we care about. It feels good when they hug us, stroke us, or simply touch us. However, touch means much more than just a pleasant physical sensation. Research shows that it improves immune system function, helps manage stress, contributes to maintaining good health, and appears to be one of the secrets to a longer life. What’s more, it’s not just the person receiving the touch who benefits from its positive effects, but also the person giving it.
At the beginning of life, physical contact with the mother—hugs and the ability for the infant to cling to a parent who provides security—is a key element in the child’s well-being, healthy psychological development, and healthy perception of their own body. A lack of this can lead to emotional trauma and psychological problems.
In Harry Harlow’s experiment, baby monkeys were separated from their mothers shortly after birth. As surrogate mothers, two artificial monkeys were constructed for them out of wire. One was covered with soft material and fabric, allowing the baby monkeys to snuggle up to it. During the experiment, this latter artificial mother was called the “fur mother,” and the other was called the “wire mother.” The baby monkeys clung to the “fur mother” and spent their days snuggled up to her, even when they received their food from the milk bottle attached to the “wire mother.” In other words, physical contact was more important to the animals than food.
Our child boldly explores the world, looks around, makes eye contact with others, and begins to manipulate objects when they can sit in our lap, cling to our neck, and hold our hand. The sense of security provided by physical contact with a parent allows the little one to open up to the outside world.
Children who rarely experience this may be more insecure, more anxious, and likely have a harder time forming connections. Children who are frequently touched and cuddled have higher emotional intelligence and are more skilled at building, maintaining, and harmoniously managing relationships.
In the womb, the child’s body is in constant contact with the mother’s; one body envelops the other. The baby longs to return to this ideal state even after birth. That is why it is important for the mother to hold her newborn close immediately after birth, to provide the greatest possible closeness, and to soothe the baby with familiar sensations.
Later, when we hold our baby close, the warmth of our body, the embrace of our arms, and the rhythm of our movements evoke in them the idyllic state of the womb, and they calm down and relax.
The more often we do this, whether at night or during the day, the more emotional reinforcement our child receives, the greater their sense of security becomes, and all of this makes them more capable and self-confident later.
Several studies show that children who are caressed, hugged, and loved more are more open and better at receiving, processing, and utilizing information about the world. Animal studies also demonstrate that if a newborn is caressed and touched frequently, it makes them more resilient to stress.
Many aspects of caring for infants involve physical contact. Breastfeeding, soothing, rocking, bathing, and putting a baby to sleep are hard to imagine without touching or holding the child close. However, this is not enough.
Parents usually don’t need much encouragement to stroke, kiss, and hug their baby; it is an instinctive desire, and even if it doesn’t arise immediately at birth, it will certainly develop within a few months.
Go ahead and give in to this urge—the more often, the better. We now know for certain that those parenting theories claiming it’s a mistake to hold and cuddle a baby too often—because we’ll “spoil” or “ruin” them—are wrong.
The exact opposite is true. Those little ones who are held and cradled often develop a sense of self-confidence and inner balance that helps them later begin to explore the world with courage and skill. They form a secure bond with their parents, and this allows them to venture away from them for a while with greater confidence; moreover, they are also more adept at forming relationships.
Among indigenous peoples, young children spend most of the day strapped to their mothers’ bodies; they sleep nestled against their mothers at night, and both the babies and the mothers are calm and balanced.
Several new caregiving methods are known today that are based on this experience. These methods assert that babies kept close to the body spend most of their time in a quiet, alert state, which is ideal for getting to know their surroundings, and allows the parent to get to know their child more deeply. With the help of a baby sling, we can go about our daily activities, soothe the soul of our older child struggling with sibling jealousy by playing with them, while our youngest, secured close to our body, enjoys our closeness.
It is important for every parent to keep in mind that even if you don’t wrap your baby in a sling, the more you hug, caress, and rock them, the more you support their healthy emotional development.
All that cuddling and hugging can make life more beautiful and recharging for the whole family, since physical contact is an important source of positive reinforcement and emotional recharge even in adulthood. When we caress and hug our little one or each other, we ourselves experience the physical and emotional effects of touch. With a more intense, loving culture of touch, everyone’s emotional life within the family will be enriched.