Mental Health in Blended Families – The Art of Raising my child, your child, and our child

Written by Réka Fekete.

Murmo hosted another parents’ club on Saturday, January 18, 2020. Linda Várhegyi (clinical psychologist and family therapist) gave a presentation and led a group discussion on the mental well-being of blended families. Linda herself lives in a blended family, so she has delved into maintaining the mental balance of blended families not only through her work in family therapy but also through her own family.

During the session, we explored the various misconceptions and stereotypes that these relatively new family forms often encounter. We focused particularly on how society tends to project its own fears and difficulties onto them. Participants had the opportunity to reflect on the core elements of a healthy family, such as the things members share, the way they communicate, and their methods for resolving conflicts. It was especially moving to see everyone reconsider these universal aspects in the context of their own families.

Our discussion further delved into the resources and inherent strengths of well-functioning families by identifying the solid foundations upon which a home can be built. We learned about family structures and the various subsystems within them, and we examined how these layers shift and evolve when a new family unit is formed.

Linda also spoke candidly about divorce, describing it as both a loss and a crisis that nevertheless holds the potential for personal growth if the partners can develop healthy new coping mechanisms. She placed great emphasis on the way parents communicate with their children about the separation while offering practical suggestions and fresh perspectives. When it comes to the details of visitation and contact arrangements, she reminded us that the priority must always remain on the child’s needs rather than the parents’ own desires or expectations.

Finally, we also discussed the emotional background behind the formation of blended families, including feelings of guilt, doubts regarding a new partner, and the process of creating a new shared life together. We also heard about the strengths of blended families.

Throughout the entire parent club session, Linda kept the audience engaged and spoke about the topic with dedication, placing particular emphasis on the questions raised by the participating parents. It was touching that, at the end of the presentation, parents shared their own difficulties and experiences with one another, along with a few encouraging thoughts.

Family, Pro Juventa Foundation, Thematic Parent Club