On March 9, 2019, the Murmo group room hosted a lecture by Zsófia Csáky-Pallavicini (child and adolescent clinical psychologist, psychotherapist) as part of the Parent Club lecture series, titled “Who Educates Whom? — Sexual Education in the Family.” In many families, sexuality can be a sensitive topic, since it is often difficult to find the right words that children can understand and process.

Parents are often anxious about “the big talk,” trying to postpone it or leave the task to school sex education programs instead.

This discomfort was also noticeable among the audience at the beginning of the lecture, but the speaker quickly dissolved the tension. Zsófia Csáky-Pallavicini spoke about the subject with natural ease, enriching her presentation with personal stories and experiences. Listening to her stories, it quickly became clear that she was not easily embarrassed, which had an encouraging effect on the audience.

By the end of the lecture, the atmosphere had become completely relaxed, and several participants shared their own experiences, fears, and questions. Hearing each other’s stories helped all of us experience this topic as something approachable and discussable.

During the lecture, Zsófia repeatedly emphasized that sexual education is not a single conversation, but rather a process that unfolds over many years. It was reassuring for everyone to hear that one imperfect conversation cannot “ruin everything.”

If a child unexpectedly asks a curious question and a parent responds awkwardly or changes the subject out of embarrassment, there is always the possibility of continuing the conversation the next day, when the parent feels more prepared.

Children’s curiosity is entirely natural. In everyday life, they frequently encounter babies or pregnant women, which sooner or later leads them to ask questions such as:

“Where do babies come from?”

“How are babies born?”

“How do babies get into a mother’s tummy?”

The speaker highlighted the importance of giving information gradually: parents should tell children only as much as they ask, explained in a simple, age-appropriate way.

At first, children usually ask about birth and how babies grow inside the womb, and only later about fertilization and sexual intercourse.

Around preschool age, it already becomes important to discuss these topics, because without conversation children create their own explanations. The speaker gave the example of a child believing that babies are born when the mother’s stomach “bursts open.” Such ideas may seem absurd to adults, but they can cause serious anxiety for children.

If a child has not asked any questions about birth by the age of seven or eight, it may indicate that parents have missed something important happening internally, and it is worth initiating a conversation.

An important message of the lecture was that sexual education begins much earlier than most people think. Before conversations about sexuality itself, there is a foundational period during which it is important to create an atmosphere of trust within the family. This allows children to ask questions later without feeling that they are breaking taboos or becoming ridiculous.

The ages of two to three are considered a milestone in sexual education, as this is when children begin discovering primary sexual characteristics. At this stage, it is important that families have words that can be openly used for body parts, because this makes later communication easier and prevents the topic from becoming anxiety-provoking.

During preschool years, the focus shifts to establishing boundaries — teaching children that their genitals belong to them, so showing them to strangers or touching others’ bodies is inappropriate. Of course, this is not always easy for young children, who often enjoy running around naked at the least convenient moments, such as during family visits.

In these situations, adults’ reactions should never be shaming. Setting boundaries is important, but it is also a gradual process, and children need time to learn the differences between relationships and social situations.

Primary school years are generally considered a calmer period in sexual development. At this stage, one challenge for parents is preventing children from encountering age-inappropriate content in the media or online. According to one American study, the average child first encounters pornographic material online at age eleven — an extremely early age that can have many harmful effects on development.

At this age, children are emotionally and physically unprepared to process such content independently, and it may frighten them. This makes a good parent-child relationship and open, taboo-free communication especially important. The use of internet filtering software is also recommended as a preventive measure.

Adolescence may be the most feared period of sexual education for many parents. However, by this stage it becomes difficult to “educate” directly; the emphasis shifts to communication and frequent conversations. It is also important to accept that teenagers often no longer discuss their questions primarily with their parents.

The speaker pointed out an important deficiency: most adolescents know a great deal about sex itself, but much less about the emotions connected to it or about relationships.

Therefore, during adolescence, parents can help most by sharing their own relationship experiences, disappointments, and strategies for coping with emotional pain.

At the end of the lecture, participants left the group room with many new and useful insights. The presentation was not only engaging for parents attending because of their children, but also for those who gained a new perspective on their own childhood and adolescent experiences. Everyone who left the doors of MURMO did so with greater confidence, reflecting on past experiences and feeling more prepared for the challenges ahead.