Over the past several years, alongside our training in Mentalization-Based Treatment (MBT), we have developed a reflective parenting group that has become an important complement to individual, group, and family therapeutic processes. It may be helpful to briefly outline the perspective that guides this group. It is not merely a method, but a fundamentally different way of relating both to our children and to ourselves.

Mentalization, a concept developed by Peter Fonagy and his colleagues and supported by decades of research, refers to our capacity to understand our own and others’ internal states – feelings, intentions, thoughts, and desires. According to Fonagy and Target (1997), mentalization is a biologically grounded capacity that unfolds within the context of a secure attachment relationship. It is therefore not merely an innate trait, but a developmental achievement shaped by the quality of early interactions. It is primarily within our early attachment relationships that we learn to recognize the other person as „a being with an inner world.” This capacity allows us to look beyond a child’s behaviour – the shouting, withdrawal, or stubborn resistance – and ask instead: What might be going on for them right now?

Reflective functioning refers to the operationalized and empirically measurable form of mentalization. It captures the extent to which a person is able to understand their own and others’ behaviour in terms of conscious and unconscious mental states. Parents with higher reflective functioning – those who are able to approach their child’s inner world with curiosity and openness – are more capable of fostering secure attachment relationships. Not because they always respond in the “right” way, but because they are able to return to moments of rupture, reflect on them, and repair the relationship.

This becomes especially important during adolescence. Adolescence is a developmental period in which the mentalizing system is particularly unstable, partly for neurobiological reasons: the prefrontal cortex is still developing, emotional reactivity is heightened, and the parent-adolescent relationship is often filled with tension. The key question, therefore, is not whether a parent responds well in every moment, but whether they are able to reconnect even after moments of disconnection.

One of the key aspects of the mentalizing stance is the not-knowing stance which means we do not assume we know what is going on inside the other person. We do not interpret, explain, or correct immediately, we remain curious instead. It is precisely this curiosity that opens up space for communication – something adolescents sense precisely, even if they don’t name it.

This is exactly the aim of the reflective parenting group: not to offer ready-made solutions or techniques, but to foster and gradually strengthen this internal stance through personal experience and shared reflection. It may sound simple in theory, yet it is far from easy to put into practice. Within the group, we explore together how to expand the relational space in which parent and child can genuinely find one another.

Structure of the groups in 2026

First and Second Sessions – Introduction, the Window of Tolerance and the Emotional Thermometer

The introductory session of the series begins with a 2-hour online theoretical block, followed followed by an introduction to the framework of the in-person group and the laying of foundations for collaborative work. Core themes of the introduction include the concept of the emotional thermometer and the Window of Tolerance Model: how we recognize our own emotional states and those of our children, and what happens when we move outside our optimal zone of regulation. Particular attention is given to understanding self-harm and the emotional states underlying it, as well as supporting parents in remaining present and responsive in such situations. Group participants also identify their own coping strategies and emotional triggers. We additionally address how in case of neurodiversity – such as ADHD and autism spectrum disorders – the parental role becomes particularly demanding, making self-care especially important.

Third Session – Attuned Listening and Reflective Mirroring

The focus of this session is an attuned listening exercise conducted in pairs. Each participant shares a personal topic, while their partner reflects back what they have heard – without adding interpretation, advice, or personal commentary. Participants are able to experience for themselves how difficult it can be simply to reflect another person’s words, and how deeply relieving it can feel to experience being accurately understood. The group also explores how easily our own thoughts, fears, and prior interpretations can distract us from what the other person is truly saying – something that becomes particularly relevant in communication with adolescents. Breathing exercises are also incorporated as a tool for mindfulness and self-regulation.

Fourth Session – Validation: Understanding, Not Agreeing

The theme of this session is validation: how we can give feedback to an adolescent in a way that helps them feel understood, without necessarily agreeing with what they say or do. Through role-play exercises, parents explore what it feels like to step into the adolescent’s shoes and experience the difference what it’s like when the parent normalizes, reflects, or, conversely, immediately looks for solutions. It turns out that there is a subtle but significant line between validation and solution-seeking, and that affective empathy – that is, partially resonating with another person’s emotional state – creates the possibility for genuine connection.

Fifth Session – The Parent Map: Guided Imagery and Symbolic Exploration

Using a method that combines meditation and symboltherapy, each participant evokes the “main street” of their own parenthood. Together we explore how the role of a parent appears in this image, who and what surrounds it, and what defining threads from the past are present. As participants reflect on and share their imagery, themes emerge around the intergenerational transmission of parenting patterns, the impact of the past on the present, experiences of loneliness and isolation, and the place of parenthood within one’s broader identity.

Sixth Session – The Parenting Network: Who Surrounds Us?

The main task of this session is mapping the parental support network. Arranged in three concentric circles, we reflect on who provides emotional support, from whom practical help can be sought, and who serves as a professional source of guidance in their lives. On numerous occasions, we find that for many people this network can be quite limited, and the difficulties in help-seeking are deeply rooted.

Seventh Session – Asking for Help in Practice; The Parent–Adolescent Dictionary

During this session, we work together on decoding parent-adolescent communication and creating a “dictionary” of typical statements heard from adolescents such as “You never understand me anyway,” “Just leave me alone,” or “I don’t care” while exploring the underlying emotional needs behind them.

Eighth Session – Reflection and Integration

During this closing session, our main themes typically include the importance of understanding the context underlying adolescent behavior, modeling mentalization – that is, parents setting an example by naming their own emotions – and the importance of prioritizing the relationship over “winning.”

The program takes place as an eight-session psychoeducational experiential group grounded in a reflective parenting approach and informed by Mentalization-Based Treatment principles, led by Erika Pap. Admission to the group is currently based on internal professional recommendations from the Murmo Team.