{"id":4448,"date":"2026-03-01T10:23:15","date_gmt":"2026-03-01T09:23:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/murmo.hu\/?p=4448"},"modified":"2026-05-26T15:42:16","modified_gmt":"2026-05-26T13:42:16","slug":"a-mentalizalo-hozzaallas-es-a-reflektiv-szulocsoport-kapcsolata","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/atetofedo.hu\/en\/a-mentalizalo-hozzaallas-es-a-reflektiv-szulocsoport-kapcsolata\/","title":{"rendered":"The Relationship Between a Mentalizing Stance and the Reflective Parenting Group"},"content":{"rendered":"
\n

Over the past several years, alongside our training in Mentalization-Based Treatment (MBT), we have developed a reflective parenting group that has become an important complement to individual, group, and family therapeutic processes. It may be helpful to briefly outline the perspective that guides this group. It is not merely a method, but a fundamentally different way of relating both to our children and to ourselves.<\/p>\n

Mentalization, a concept developed by Peter Fonagy and his colleagues and supported by decades of research, refers to our capacity to understand our own and others\u2019 internal states \u2013 feelings, intentions, thoughts, and desires. According to Fonagy and Target (1997), mentalization is a biologically grounded capacity that unfolds within the context of a secure attachment relationship. It is therefore not merely an innate trait, but a developmental achievement shaped by the quality of early interactions. It is primarily within our early attachment relationships that we learn to recognize the other person as \u201ea being with an inner world.\u201d This capacity allows us to look beyond a child\u2019s behaviour \u2013 the shouting, withdrawal, or stubborn resistance \u2013 and ask instead: What might be going on for them right now?<\/p>\n

Reflective functioning refers to the operationalized and empirically measurable form of mentalization. It captures the extent to which a person is able to understand their own and others\u2019 behaviour in terms of conscious and unconscious mental states. Parents with higher reflective functioning \u2013 those who are able to approach their child\u2019s inner world with curiosity and openness \u2013 are more capable of fostering secure attachment relationships. Not because they always respond in the \u201cright\u201d way, but because they are able to return to moments of rupture, reflect on them, and repair the relationship.<\/p>\n

This becomes especially important during adolescence. Adolescence is a developmental period in which the mentalizing system is particularly unstable, partly for neurobiological reasons: the prefrontal cortex is still developing, emotional reactivity is heightened, and the parent-adolescent relationship is often filled with tension. The key question, therefore, is not whether a parent responds well in every moment, but whether they are able to reconnect even after moments of disconnection.<\/p>\n

One of the key aspects of the mentalizing stance is the not-knowing stance<\/em> which means we do not assume we know what is going on inside the other person. We do not interpret, explain, or correct immediately, we remain curious instead. It is precisely this curiosity that opens up space for communication \u2013 something adolescents sense precisely, even if they don\u2019t name it.<\/p>\n

This is exactly the aim of the reflective parenting group: not to offer ready-made solutions or techniques, but to foster and gradually strengthen this internal stance through personal experience and shared reflection. It may sound simple in theory, yet it is far from easy to put into practice. Within the group, we explore together how to expand the relational space in which parent and child can genuinely find one another.<\/p>\n

Structure of the groups in 2026<\/strong><\/p>\n

First and Second Sessions \u2013 Introduction, the Window of Tolerance and the Emotional Thermometer<\/strong><\/p>\n

The introductory session of the series begins with a 2-hour online theoretical block, followed followed by an introduction to the framework of the in-person group and the laying of foundations for collaborative work. Core themes of the introduction include the concept of the emotional thermometer and the Window of Tolerance Model: how we recognize our own emotional states and those of our children, and what happens when we move outside our optimal zone of regulation. Particular attention is given to understanding self-harm and the emotional states underlying it, as well as supporting parents in remaining present and responsive in such situations. Group participants also identify their own coping strategies and emotional triggers. We additionally address how in case of neurodiversity \u2013 such as ADHD and autism spectrum disorders \u2013 the parental role becomes particularly demanding, making self-care especially important.<\/p>\n

Third Session \u2013 Attuned Listening and Reflective Mirroring<\/strong><\/p>\n

The focus of this session is an attuned listening exercise conducted in pairs. Each participant shares a personal topic, while their partner reflects back what they have heard \u2013 without adding interpretation, advice, or personal commentary. Participants are able to experience for themselves how difficult it can be simply to reflect another person\u2019s words, and how deeply relieving it can feel to experience being accurately understood. The group also explores how easily our own thoughts, fears, and prior interpretations can distract us from what the other person is truly saying \u2013 something that becomes particularly relevant in communication with adolescents. Breathing exercises are also incorporated as a tool for mindfulness and self-regulation.<\/p>\n

Fourth Session \u2013 Validation: Understanding, Not Agreeing<\/strong><\/p>\n

The theme of this session is validation: how we can give feedback to an adolescent in a way that helps them feel understood, without necessarily agreeing with what they say or do. Through role-play exercises, parents explore what it feels like to step into the adolescent\u2019s shoes and experience the difference what it\u2019s like when the parent normalizes, reflects, or, conversely, immediately looks for solutions. It turns out that there is a subtle but significant line between validation and solution-seeking, and that affective empathy \u2013 that is, partially resonating with another person\u2019s emotional state \u2013 creates the possibility for genuine connection.<\/p>\n

Fifth Session \u2013 The Parent Map: Guided Imagery and Symbolic Exploration<\/strong><\/p>\n

Using a method that combines meditation and symboltherapy, each participant evokes the \u201cmain street\u201d of their own parenthood. Together we explore how the role of a parent appears in this image, who and what surrounds it, and what defining threads from the past are present. As participants reflect on and share their imagery, themes emerge around the intergenerational transmission of parenting patterns, the impact of the past on the present, experiences of loneliness and isolation, and the place of parenthood within one\u2019s broader identity.<\/p>\n

Sixth Session \u2013 The Parenting Network: Who Surrounds Us?<\/strong><\/p>\n

The main task of this session is mapping the parental support network. Arranged in three concentric circles, we reflect on who provides emotional support, from whom practical help can be sought, and who serves as a professional source of guidance in their lives. On numerous occasions, we find that for many people this network can be quite limited, and the difficulties in help-seeking are deeply rooted.<\/p>\n

Seventh Session \u2013 Asking for Help in Practice; The Parent\u2013Adolescent Dictionary<\/strong><\/p>\n

During this session, we work together on decoding parent-adolescent communication and creating a \u201cdictionary\u201d of typical statements heard from adolescents such as \u201cYou never understand me anyway,\u201d \u201cJust leave me alone,\u201d or \u201cI don\u2019t care\u201d while exploring the underlying emotional needs behind them.<\/p>\n

Eighth Session \u2013 Reflection and Integration<\/strong><\/p>\n

During this closing session, our main themes typically include the importance of understanding the context underlying adolescent behavior, modeling mentalization \u2013 that is, parents setting an example by naming their own emotions \u2013 and the importance of prioritizing the relationship over \u201cwinning.\u201d<\/p>\n

The program takes place as an eight-session psychoeducational experiential group grounded in a reflective parenting approach and informed by Mentalization-Based Treatment principles, led by Erika Pap. Admission to the group is currently based on internal professional recommendations from the Murmo Team.<\/p>\n<\/div>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Over the past several years, alongside our training in Mentalization-Based Treatment (MBT), we have developed a reflective parenting group that has become an important complement to individual, group, and family therapeutic processes. It may be helpful to briefly outline the perspective that\u2026<\/p>","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[127],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4448","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-murmo-szemlelet-es-mukodes"],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/atetofedo.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4448","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/atetofedo.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/atetofedo.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/atetofedo.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/atetofedo.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=4448"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/atetofedo.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4448\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":6528,"href":"https:\/\/atetofedo.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4448\/revisions\/6528"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/atetofedo.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=4448"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/atetofedo.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=4448"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/atetofedo.hu\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=4448"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}